To Say or Not To Say "I Do"

Marriage is a very complicated and long term endeavor. It is one mostly on my mind because I am single, and the thought of being with someone for over 1 year is beyond my experience.

I see people get married. I see them split up. I see them get back together. I see them get divorced. I don't really know what to make of all of this.

I have been contemplating this subject much in my head lately. I don't have someone to contemplate about it with. It just stews in my mind. I don't think people take marriage as seriously now as they did 20 years ago. It's what we are made to do essentially. Get married...procreate...keep the population afloat for the next generation.

However, that is just not me. I have no desire to have kids. Why do I have the urge to get married and be with someone forever? Why do I fear it for the possibility of someone squashing my freedom and limiting me as a person? Is my need for a relationship out of loneliness or to make someone's life better and him to make me feel complete.

Our existence and purpose will probably confuse me for my lifetime.

Hello Little Blog

Today is Easter Sunday. For the first time our family went out for brunch instead of a big meal at the parents home. Mom's kitchen is a mess with the remodel. My brother's baptism was last night. The church was beautiful, like none I had seen before. The Catholic Easter Vigil was 3.5 hours. A long, long church session for me. I went to my church today and it touched my heart. One of the Chilean miner's came to speak.

I have been weighed down with worries about money, job, going back to school, my negative attitude. I hope I will find that peace and joy of loving myself, for all that I am, and all that I am not.